Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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