I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
it was like eating out sand paper
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
