I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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