i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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