Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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