hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
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It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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