How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
