Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
