HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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