I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
