ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
