these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
