i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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