When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
