I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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