the day after is always just damage control
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
