I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
