a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the day after is always just damage control
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
