hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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