Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize