you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
