Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
