SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
