I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
