okay pat passed out under dana's car
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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