If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
