I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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