My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
