we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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