Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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