All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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