My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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