when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
