Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Randomize
