thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
