This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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