Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
