I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
