the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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