I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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