i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
