look no pants
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
