Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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