Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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