Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
