She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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