Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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