We're facebook friends in real life
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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