I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
