Im at strip club and am horny
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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