I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
