i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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