a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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