it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
