my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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