to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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