I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
