One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oh god it's open bar.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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