I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
