Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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