I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just threw up on my dentist
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
