a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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