I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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