shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
