Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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