Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Quick, to the slutcave!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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