I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
