im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
