I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
