I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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