i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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