did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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