i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
