i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
