The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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