your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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