I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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